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Last posts on private forums:  sare  2008-06-16 09:56:33 matthew 2008-04-12 21:25:59 pieniadz 2008-04-12 20:52:26
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Last posts on private blogs: matthew 2008-04-12 21:25:17 mary 2008-04-12 19:27:47 |
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Lastly added medical terms:
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You are in: Main Page / Medical articles / Psychology / Empty Nest Syndrome
Every parent has to face an empty nest syndrome, dealing and coping with it is possible yet some people suffer from depression. The article presents information about empty nest syndrome and suggests how to deal with it.
Children change our whole life in the moment they appear. From this moment on we dedicate all the activities to children, our thoughts wander around a son or daughter and his/ her needs are always in the first place. Parents' priorities change and they stop concentrate on themselves, for instance women resign from their professional career so as to devote themselves to raising children.
Then, we go through all stages of the child's life: kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, studies. We try to help with homeworks, send them to extra classes and courses, make sure they develop their passions and hobbies, we listen to the problems children have, comfort them, help with choosing the best studies and appropriate jobs. We are constantly trying to teach them as much as possible and provide them with a decent standard of living, sometimes we even work in two various jobs to be able to do that. We are so devoted to raising them that we don't even notice how they grew up and became adults. In less than no time there's a moment our children become self-reliant, move out home and have their own families.
This moment is very painful for many parents, as they start feeling useless and don't know what to fill their time with. Each day becomes a struggle with an enormous longing. Children have been the only priority for many years, social contacts had been reduced to the minimum. People who are most likely to suffer from their child's departure include: only child's parents, single parents or stay at home mothers. If there are several children in the family it's easier to accept them going as they leave home in several phases.
How to deal with it?
We should look on the positive side of children leaving and standing on their own feet. The fact that children are able to function on their own, are financially independent and achieve success at work is the biggest achievement of ours. This is our merit that we had created a base for a good living, we showed important things and shaped their characters. Therefore, we can be proud of our children being great and independent people.
Instead of missing and getting overcome with despair we should try to fill the free time effectively. It's high time to take care of your health, come back to once forgotten hobby, begin the social life once again. It's also a good time to catch up with the relationship, enjoying your life and emotions. You should try to be attractive to each other, take care of your development, pamper your partner a little bit and fight with the routine which kills the relationship. It's a perfect time for journeys, going out, going to the theater and all the issues that had been forgotten for the sake of parental duties.
We should concentrate on good sides of this 'loneliness': We have much more time, we are more relaxed as we no longer need to worry about children. Taking care of grandchildren is much more funny, your relations with your children will also be better since you are on equal terms with them.
It is also a good time for helping others, we have experience, skills and time to offer. We can take part in activities of various type, get involved in some charity work or attend senior citizen's club meetings or simply begin studies organized by the Third Age University, those activities may bring the same amounts of satisfaction as raising children in the past. It's worth to devote your time to helping others because it means that we are also helping ourselves.
Mistakes we should avoid
Don't say words of reproach, don't accuse them of lack of interest or complain about their rare visits. While becoming fully independent young people demand a sense of identity, so we shouldn't impose our advice, they have to learn on their own mistakes. We shouldn't throw unannounced visits, we need to remember that young marriage needs plenty of time to spend together, especially at the beginning. We should avoid interrupting in their quarrels, they have to go through good and bad times to get to know each other very well and learn how to find the compromise. Adult children should realize that they are always welcomed, that they can come round and always get support and advice. You should try to trust and respect young people even though they behave in a different way than you expected or had hoped.
Don't try to keep your children at home by force, and even though they are not getting married they may feel urge to live alone and become less dependent on you. A mature parent tries to help children achieve total independence and self-reliance and never tries to keep children at home using guilt as the weapon. A loving parent takes care of his/her health so as to be self-reliant and not to become a burden for children. We should also remember that children don't belong to us and even though we are constantly worrying about them we have to face the fact that their independence is what they really deserve. Moreover, accepting the truth that we are no longer the most important to our children is a sign of maturity and wisdom of parents. It's obvious that children need freedom and self-reliance.
It's good to think earlier how to go through this period without too much suffering and pain. This is extremely tough period for mothers who once decided to devote their life to children. All you have to remember is that apart from child there's also husband who you can take care of. And above all, think about yourself. As children grow up they don't demand so much devotion and time any more, so it is good to find time for yourself, your hobby, relax or free time with the husband. An active person who has interests, goals and a circle of friends does not concentrate energy on children, so coping with empty nest syndrome is easier and less painful.
We should also remember that leaving home is a natural process in your life. It's a calm and peaceful period that can give you plenty of opportunities. Therefore, don't treat it with anxiety or fear, in many cases the relations between parents and children become better, it is easier to communicate with the daughter who is already a mother. The time is also a natural test of what we had done so far, we can see whether we have been good parents for many years. If we have done it well the love, attention and care will pay and result in close and warm relationship of parents and adult children.
Added by:
mary
not connected with health care system
Added on:
2008-06-17 13:11:19 ,
Updated:
2008-06-17 13:14:10
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